starting the cure 1 year old child

[clarenceb]

Hello!

I am sorry that I will probably ask questions that are not new...
Our Son Jonathan ist exactly one year old.

He is a quite happy, communicative child, he eats well although it is very difficult to have him sitting in the chair! He is 75 cm and weight 11,3 kg.
He has a regular schedule for eating times, a quite regular schedule in the day for the naps and a much less regular schedule for night sleeping. It looks like this… :

6:15/7:15 awake and breastfeeding
8:00 little breakfast (he is often not hungry, as he has drunk a lot since the early morning)
8:45-10:15 Nap (if he awake after 7:30, he usually is not enough tired. Then we skip this nap and he goes to be a little earlier in the afternoon)
11:00 Lunch (cooked vegetables sometimes with cereals or not, oil and after 30 mn breastfeeding)
12:45-14:15/14:45 Nap
15:30 Fruits (cooked or not) with cereals and yogurth
18:00 Cooked vegetables
18:20 bath
18:40 Breastfeeding
19:00 (or even earlier, when he cannot anymore) sleep. He is usually very tired after 18:00
23:00 and/or 2:00 awake and calls after us.
3:00 / 4:00 breastfeeding in the bed with Mom, one till 2 hours (if I take him away from the breast, he screams, and since I want to sleep, I let him drink that long…)

He usually asleep quite alone and quite good. I give him the breast just before, which is really calming him down. He crys almost always 1 or 2 minutes and then sleeps. But he would awake at least at 4:00 in the “good nights”, sometimes also at 23:00 and/or at about 2:00 and/or 3:00. Sometimes he can go back to sleep alone, but usually we need to “help” him. Till now my husband goes to him when it is before 3 or 4 o’clock, tell him that it is time to sleep and stays in the room till he sleeps again, sometimes with a hand on him. Sometimes it works after a few minutes, sometimes it lasts 45 min or more, Jonathan is screaming, very angry. Or my husband leaves the room, but then Jonathan is screaming a lot and we cannot stand it. If I come in the room, he stops instantly and laughs, because he knows, I will breastfeed him… If I don’t, he screams even more.
At 4:00, when my husband tries to calm him down, it can last hours till he is sleeping again, or it does not work at all. That is the reason why I usually breastfeed him, so that we can go back to sleep…

We want to do the cure and have a very good opportunity this week, since we both have 4 days free without working, and no travel planed in the next 15 days.
I am reading the book and trying to get as much information as I can but would like to hear some precisions and have a feedback about my schedule, if possible...

This is the new schedule:

7:30 good morning and breastfeeding
11:00 lunch
12:30-14:30 Nap (or 14:00 according to the needs of sleep, but I’m afraid it would not be enough)
15:30 Fruits (cooked or not) with cereals and yogurth
18 15 dinner
18:30 bath and laugh
19:00 Breast feeding
19:30 good night

I have a few questions:
- What do you think of the schedule?
- You say a child of 12 months needs. Is that possible that it is a little bit more?
I doubt that he can be really awake till 19:30, because at the time he is really very very tired from 18:00. But maybe it just has to do with the fact that he does not sleep enough in the night? And you say, I should take the lead and not the baby…
- is it all right that I try to put him at 19:30 in bed, although at the time he is very tired earlier?
- Jonathan sleeps usually on the side, sometimes on the belly. He usually find himself at the bottom end of the gitter bed. Should I change the position he sleeps after 10 minutes, once he is sleeping, or should I assume he found the best position for himself?
- About the tools: Should I buff him? I understood from the book that buffing is adequate till 12 months. So I am uncertain about it now, since he is exactly 12 months! Am I right, that also the fanning should be very short… also the first night? Also in the middle of the night? If I understood well, the refrain is the most important at that age… I think the most difficult will be at 4:00. I am thinking to try it with the music during the cure, as you suggest, if the rest does not work.

I thank you a lot for your answers and till then I will read the book again and again!
Clarence

[TorsMamma]

Hi and welcome to our forum.

Please check through “old” threads for tips most questions have been answered.

With regards to your schedule…

I have a few thoughts

Food: I believe you need more protein in the lunch and dinner. Meat, fish, chicken, beans or tofu. It is the fat and the protein that will make you last for the next meal and also through the night.

Night time: It seems from what you are telling me that he is a tired child early and likes waking up early. So the schedule should work WITH the child and there for I believe you should consider have night 18.30 – 06.30 or no later than 19-07.

Also the child will need a separate space preferably a separate room.

Absolute Pitch black! You should if you enter during the day not be able to see the hand in front of you. So check the darkness.

Sleeping position: He is big enough to choose his own, but you should use the tools while he is on his stomach position, and when done he can then turn as he seems fit himself. No need to reposition him unless he is stuck somehow.

If you have never buffed him don’t use this tool. Use the static sun feather instead. The first night you might have to stand for over 45 min holding him firmly. He should not be crying of screaming when you leave the room with the jingle.

The jingle is said on the way out and finishes outside the room for the first nights. After this you say the jingle outside of the room.

Also curing 1 year olds might take a bit more than the 3+7 days that the book talks about so if you need you can take day 1 of the cure for 2 days, and day 2 for 2 days and so on. The cure will take twice as long, but might seem a bit more calm for you. 8)

The first and second night you calm Jonathan down in the bed with the sun feather, no matter how long time it will take with the sun feather. Night 3-4 the jingle will take over and be your primary tool.

Please read the book again and again, you will find new things as you read. Also print the cheat sheet and have on the door.

Good luck with the cure.

[clarenceb]

thanks you for the very quick reply!

For the food, I forgot to write that we give him eggs (yellow) and meat/fish (3 times a week) and cereals every day. You mean we should give meat/fish/tofu twice a day? I will try that.

"Night time: having the night from 18:30 till 6:30"
All right, that was my questions. I somehow understood, that the new schedule could be quite different from the old one, but understood it wrong then!

That is good to know about the duration of the cure...
Thanks a lot for the tips, I'll let you know how it works and cannot wait for writing a successful report!

[clarenceb]

this is the new schedule:

7:00 good morning and breastfeeding
11:00 lunch (vegetables with eggs/meat/fisch/tofu and cheese)
12:30-14:30 Nap
15:30 Fruits (cooked or not) with cereals and yogurth
18:00 dinner (vegetables with eggs/meat/fisch/tofu and cheese)
18:30 bath and laugh
18:45 Breast feeding
19:00 good night

As regarding the breastfeeding: he almosts asleep with it, at least he calms down very well in the day or in the evening: Should I do it earlier (before the bath) so that he stops connecting it with going to sleep? That would make it right after the evening dinner... or it that all right like this ?

[TorsMamma]

Hi,

Normally i would recommend that you do the breastfeeding outside the bedroom, then the laughter to good night and that is 10 min to have as much fun as possible.

Then flying into the bedroom which is already black and ready, down into the bed quick sun feather and out with the jingle. Then the job starts.

So you always before going to bed/nap have a laughter time of say 10 min it is FUN to go to bed. You need to have fun too! Then Calm assertive attitude! Tickle is allowed.

Keep asking questions and sort them out before starting the cure. You want to be able to answer more questions for the child then you are asking.

[clarenceb]

We are going to start today night...
A few questions are still in my mind, I would be relieve to get an answer...

If he can sleep again alone, at 22:00 for instance, which he usually does: should we, for the first night, still saying the refrain and confirmation? Or just let him go back to sleep alone?

My worries is for after 3:30, because usually I used to breastfeeding him. My husband will overtake the first 2 nights, so that it is clear, there is no milk... He should put his alarmclock on 3:00 to be ready, if Jonathan wakes up, is he?
An then, do the sunfeather as long as necessary, till he is calming down. Then the refrain, go out meanwhile saying it, and wait. If Jonathan is angry, letting him be angry, or go back in the room with the sunfeather? This is what I am not sure of, because you write: "He should not be crying of screaming when you leave the room with the jingle." : that means, if he does, that the sun feather was not long enough? Should we then go back in the room with the sun father? This is the rule only for the first (or 2 first) night, is it? After we should only do the refrain and let him "answer" us?

This sunfather/refrain/confirmation shoud be always done till 7:00. And the second night could be the same.

The third and fourth night, we should be able to do only the refrain, and the sun feather in case of really big crisis, but then very short. And if it is not enough after 2 minutes, if he is very angry? Letting him be angry, till we notice that he starts to be sad or afraid, and then go back in the room with the sunfather, and / or the refrain ? The refrain should then only be said from outside the room, if I understood correctly?
I am worried that when I overtake the nights, Jonathan thinks, he will get the milk... Is it a good idea if my husband overtake all the first 4 nights, so that the message is very clear?

Thanks a lot for your confirmation or precision, it would give us more assurance for the next nights!!

[TorsMamma]

Hi please see my answers in green.

We are going to start today night...
A few questions are still in my mind, I would be relieve to get an answer...

If he can sleep again alone, at 22:00 for instance, which he usually does: should we, for the first night, still saying the refrain and confirmation? Or just let him go back to sleep alone?

For the first 4 nights I would give the confirmation jingle (always X4 these first 4 days) And then you can combine it with the regular jingle(x3+x1 confirmation) when needed.

My worries is for after 3:30, because usually I used to breastfeeding him. My husband will overtake the first 2 nights, so that it is clear, there is no milk... He should put his alarmclock on 3:00 to be ready, if Jonathan wakes up, is he?

Normally you are awake for the entire first 2 nights so that you can enter the room for the sunfeather.

An then, do the sunfeather as long as necessary, till he is calming down. Then the refrain, go out meanwhile saying it, and wait.

Yes

If Jonathan is angry, letting him be angry, or go back in the room with the sunfeather?

Yes, the first 2-4 nights you enter directly with the sunfeather.

This is what I am not sure of, because you write: "He should not be crying of screaming when you leave the room with the jingle." : that means, if he does, that the sun feather was not long enough?

Yes, then the sun feather wasn’t long enough. You can then enter again and do it as long as necessary.

Should we then go back in the room with the sun father? This is the rule only for the first (or 2 first) night, is it? After we should only do the refrain and let him "answer" us?

The jingle is after night 2-4 your primary tool. You use it accordingly. It might take as many as x30 to get the message through and then let him react.

This sunfather/refrain/confirmation shoud be always done till 7:00. And the second night could be the same.

Yes the first 2 night sometimes up to 4 nights.

The third and fourth night, we should be able to do only the refrain, and the sun feather in case of really big crisis, but then very short.

After night 2-4 you should primary use the jingle. BUT you don’t use the jingle and then enter the room for the sun feather. Then the jingle means “hold on, I’m coming in”. So you need to wait before entering the room. And the sun feather is a crisis tool to be used as such, you still stay until quiet.

And if it is not enough after 2 minutes, if he is very angry? Letting him be angry, till we notice that he starts to be sad or afraid, and then go back in the room with the sunfather, and / or the refrain ? The refrain should then only be said from outside the room, if I understood correctly?
I am worried that when I overtake the nights, Jonathan thinks, he will get the milk... Is it a good idea if my husband overtake all the first 4 nights, so that the message is very clear?

Yes, if your husband can do the first 4 nights this is great. But you still give a message through the jingle. Since you work outside the room. Practice the jingle on each other different tone and calm assertive message. Operah singing loud it should be. Don’t practice sun feather or jingle on your son. Make sure you know these tools way ahead of time.

Thanks a lot for your confirmation or precision, it would give us more assurance for the next nights!!

Good luck!

[clarenceb]

We are now in the day 4. and had 3 nights of cure...

Well, what is nice is that we succeed (my husband actually) in calming him down in a few minutes every time he wakes up (from 3 o clock till 5 o clock more than 3 or 4 times) with the jingle, (sometimes by quickly entering the room, doing the sunfeather but only during the first night). We have the feeling, he listen to us and understands.

The other funny thing is that at 6, when we enter the room, he does not any more jump on my breast before I can sit down: he shows a light that we wants us to put on, shows the baby phone, shows a mobile, smiles... And then realize: actually, I could also get some food

But it is very difficult in the "wolf hour"; I understood that it is quite normal that he still wakes up.
We didn't change the time hour for him on sunday, so that he is still on the "old" schedule", and has to sleep till 6 o clock, which was before 7... My husband did the jingle many many times, waited a bit but he was crying; then entered with the sunfeather and by wenting outside the room Jonathan started to cry again, then he did the jingle a lot... We don't dare to try with the music since our neiggbourghs are getting very angry with the noise... [-X

The other thing is, that there is actually not a lot of progress, we are absolutely exhausted ; I meand that he does still wakes up at midnight and up to 2:30 or 3:00, even if it lasts only a few minutes (well, we did not try without the jingle, how it would be). It would feel different if we just had a "hard time" at 5:00. Am I to impatient?

To see the progress, should we stop doing the jingle every time he wakes up before the wolfhour and let him going back to sleep again ? I am thinking that we might be already in a vicious circle, that he needs the sunfeather, or that my husband should let more silence between the jingles... But then Jonathan is very angry or nervous. And we thought we should do the jingle as much as necessary till he calms down. Just, I think if it does not work after 45 min. maybe we do it wrong?

Thanks a lot in advance for your support!

[clarenceb]

sorry, I'm confused: we had last night our fourth night of cure and not the third as I wrote...

[TorsMamma]

Hi,

The hours before the “wolf hours” Just give him a quick jingle for a day or two more. But don’t overwork the child.

Wolf hour is a tricky time, when doing too much work it turns into a new circle. But have in mind that this time of night can take weeks before they are gone. So keep working at it. But don’t over jingle. If you are sure he understands the message just give him the jingle and then you really need to make other noise.

Put a note in your neighbors mailbox and apologize and say it is only for a limited time. It will pass. Then buy them flowers for their patience.

You need to have a good strategy for how to handle the wolf hour and at least choose to jingle a bit less.

A quick tip for wolf hour strategy.

When you feel like you need to jingle you do Mozart or household noise.
When you feel like entering the room you jingle
When you feel like you have a crisis then you sun feather.

Good luck with tonight!

[clarenceb]

I want to inform you of the progress that we made, since I am so happy about it!
Jonathan sleeps till 5:00 without our intervention. Then my husband does one time the jingle before he is crying, or sometimes as he is crying (sometimes he wakes up crying), and it is enough, that Jonathan calms down. For 3 nights, he still did the sunfeather once, (we did not have installed the music yet but yesterday and today, this was not necessary any more. What happened is that from 5:50 till 6:25 (normally it would be 6:30), he was quiet in his bed, saying "mama mama" and talking to himself!
I am myself more insecure, since it works very well with the deep voice of my husband and less good with my "breastfeeding mama voice"... We'll see what happens on thursday, when I am alone for 2 days...
During the day, he almost always sleeps 2 hours during his nap and needs less than 5 minutes to be sleeping!
I hope he will also soon sleep again, so that he sleeps enough nights, but it is aldready an amazing thing!
I don't want to say "victory" so soon, but for sure, I'll spread the news quickly with advice about the book! =D>
Although some things are already talked about in the forum, I also wanted to say how much I appreciate the personal support and the efficiency that you have to answer the posts... =D>

[TorsMamma]

Hi,

Thanks for your wonderful and kind words, I'm so glad. We all work very hard at this forum so nice word and reports are extra welcome!

You have now made great progess, just remember the "attitude of confidence" described in the book that is what will take you too the end!

Also re-read the chapter about "security" page 63 "enjoyment" page 83.

Good luck and take care of all the progress you have made! =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D>