Trouble changing from sleep bag to duvet cover

[Darls3000]

Hello there
It has been a while since I posted because the cure continues to be a lifesaver and everyone is happy especially my darling daughter.

BUT, 3 weeks ago, my daughter is so tall now that she was getting uncomfortable in her sleep sack which she has always had since she was 2 months old. She is 2 years and 3 months old but wears age 3-4 clothes. Anyway, I bought her a big girls duvet and she loved it and took to it straight away but at night, we now wake up at least once a night because the covers have fallen off and she wants me to out them back on. That is fine because I know she will get used to it and be able to do it herself soon but I am surprised it has taken so long and also, she now asks for her classical music to be put on which she has every night as she goes to bed.

Another thing that has just started is that she has asked for the door to be left open which was always shut and she has always insisted we shut it when we leave her with a jingle. So, because of a bedding change, she now doesn't sleep through the night, she now wants the door open, this means she often wakes earlier because of the light coming into the room. Ot routine seems to have changed because of one essential change.

We have continued with the same routine:
Wake usually at 7.30
Lunch at 11.30
Nap 1.15-2.30
Snack - 3
Dinner 5pm
Bed 7.30

These days, she drops off but then wakes again at 8.30pm asking for her music and the cover to be put on and then Weill sleep till 4 am and then calls out fir her cover and the music and then will sleep till 7.30

What are we doing wrong? We continue to be very confident with her that it is bed time and it's time to sleep and nothing exciting is happening etc. W jingle confidently and firmly when we need to but I have to go in if she is cold and I don't know if I should say no to the music??

Would love your advice,

Thanks

Katherine

[TorsMamma]

Hi and welcome back!

I believe your daughter is in the beginning of her 3 year defiant year. You can read lots more about this in the book “for the love of children”.

1. If you have taken the crib away and given her a monster bed. Get it back in! She will need the crib until she is over 3,5 years old.
2. If you have a crib she can then put the covers on by her self, which is very difficult when you are in a “big” bed.
3. I always tuck a piece of the covers in under the mattress for my son so that when he sleeps is doesn’t fall on the flor and stays on him better. I do this when I tuck him in when I go to bed.
4. The classical music… I understand that you let her sleep to the music so I also understand HER question. However small children will ask questions in the form of requests as well. So when she says she has to have music you can say , WE only use music 1 time when going to bed, not in the middle of the night. So read the GNS book again regarding the wolf? Same questions as the screeming used to be. Now the question is, Can I sleep without my covers on? (you say of course not, we will put it on) She says: Can I sleep without classical music on? (you say of course not, we will put it on for you) And so on. So see the requests/demands like questions. Then what is the answer? Answer here question once or twice after that you use the jingle.
Also prepare her in the evening before going to be, while eating the last meal on what is going to happen. Music is now gone, you can sleep without it, you are a big girl now.
5. Regarding the door… She says: Can I really sleep in the dark? Don’t I need the door open? ( you say ofcourse you cannot sleep with the door closed if you do the wolf will come and get you) So see all this as questions, not demands. I leave the door open 10 cm and no more than that, and almost no light on the outside.

So get your strategies up to date and see this as a manicure and use the jingle after her getting the message on what is going to happen. She will get upset and that is allowed. It will take you 3 days to get back on track so use your patience.

[Darls3000]

Thank you so much for your detailed response. It all makes sense but here are a few questions of my own.

1. She is still in her crib and I plan to keep her in it till 3 at least and she loves it. However she still asks me to out the cover on her and that is why I am surprised she hasn't learnt yet. I will try and tuck her as you suggest when I am going to bed and see how that works.

4. I understand what you say about the music. I will explain to her that it is only on once and that is it. That was always the way till very recently so I am confident we can get back there eventually but in have been making a mistake putting it back on because I couldn't face having the tears in the night and waking her fully. She always asks in a drowsy, sleepy state and I always think it will get her straight back to sleep which it does but last night I got up 3 times which is no good for anyone.

I did re-read GNS before I emailed the website and the chapter on the wolf on this context makes sense now. Thank you for the insight.

When you say 3 year defiant stage is that what we call in the UK terrible twos? Her behaviour is still pretty good with only tiny moments of defiance but it is time for me to read the FTLOC terrible twos section I think!!

I will let you know how it goes after a few nights of trying. Thanks again

X

[TorsMamma]

Hi,

No, If you read "For the love of children" children have stages of development that is greater psychologically greater than other times. Like 8 months, 1.5 years and then between 2.5-3.5. But when they are 2 they are on top of the world but for parents it is called the “terrible twos” but has more to do with the load for the parents. But Anna Wahlgren writes about the development for the child and how they “fall back” mentally, get sensitive and anxious and need more support. Quite the opposite from the confident 2 year old “terrible two”.

Questions get more, louder and intense. You need to answer them confidently and calmly. 8)

Get the book and you will know exactly what I mean.

[Darls3000]

Thank you. I have the book. I read it regularly but it has been at least 5 months since the last time so will re read again. I do remember now you say that about the stages.
Thanks

[Darls3000]

Hello again,

Thanks again for the advice. I followed it and re read the relevant chapters in FTLOC and I applied them straight away. My daughter called out in the middle of the night for her music to be put on so I gently told her that she didn't need the music and she only had it once a night so it was time for night night sleep tight. And she lay down and went back to sleep!! I was so happy. The next night she woke again and asked for music so I told her the same thing and she interrupted me and said I don't need the music do I mummy? I was so proud. Since then she has started to sleep through the night again. Thanks SO much

However, she is taking longer to settle now andi am finding that when I repeat the jingle she has started saying "don't say that to me mummy" over and over and when we put her down at 7.30 she sometimes is awake till 8.30 saying that over and over and then eventually she shouts out "mummy I am ready to go to sleep now" and I go in and tuck her in and that's that.

Should I be concerned about this and consider cutting back her afternoon nap? She has 90 minutes at the moment and normally wakes at 7.15/7.30

Thanks again!!!

[TorsMamma]

Hi,
Yes the second year of living is 13 hours sleep So cutting down the midday nap to 45 min could be good for you.

Good luck!

Nice work BTW

[Darls3000]

Thank you for the good advice.

[Darls3000]

Hi again,
Just when I thought I was making some progress, it all seems to have gone a bit awry. Here is what is happening:

I have started to wake her after one hour of napping and this has not made any difference. She still seems to fight going to bed and constantly calls out for me to keep the door open and put her blanket on etc. This goes on for at least an hour and sometimes for 90 minutes. It is exhausting!!

This is what I have been doing:
I go in and return the teddy to her cot and tuck her and tell her firmly that it is night night sleep righty time and she must lie back down. But she can't stand that I leave the door ajar. She wants me to leave it wide open but then she is woken by the light and noise form the rest of the house so I always argue with her that it must be half closed and there is nothing for her to worry about,

It is an awful situation because she eventually gets overtired and starts crying and just beside herself. Tonight it has taken 2.5 hours for her to go to sleep. For the most time I ignore her when she is shouting mummy and only go up after 10 mins of her crying out for me.

I am completely confused why the cure doesn't seem to work all of a sudden after it being my best friend. She gets very angry when I jingle and doesn't respond to anything till eventually she gets so tired she shouts out that she wants to go to sleep and then she lies down. I am confident when I put her down, I don't give in to her demands like leaving the door open etc. What else should I be doing? My attitude is fully focused that she will sleep but it takes such a long time every night. I have made it clear that there are no wolves at the door, that night time is for sleeping but whatever I say falls on deaf ears. Please help if you can, thanks. X

[TorsMamma]

Hi again,

Some “offroads” take longer time than others. So you need to be consistent here.

She wants me to leave it wide open but then she is woken by the light and noise form the rest of the house so I always argue with her that it must be half closed and there is nothing for her to worry about,

I believe this is one of the problems. You argue with here, you don’t treat this as a question like everything else. You turn it into an argument.

Perhaps having the door open 10 cm and sitting outside quiet just say the jingle and then sit there reading or so for a short while will calm her down faster. Keep the lights dim outside. Prepare her very closely before going to bed WHAT is going to happen. Don’t forget the laughter for at least 10 min before sleeping.
Just remember you need to move further and further away from the door not stay there for weeks.

[Darls3000]

Kod: Markera allt

Thank you very much for your response and sorry it has taken me so long but the has been a lot going on in our lives.

We still have mixed nights, last night was great and she slept from 8-8.15 with no shout outs for mummy to come. But tonight there has been lots of shouting as she struggles to settle herself but she is not distressed so I have left her to call out to me and I jingle etc.

I will carry on being patient but it is a month now that her sleep has been disrupted and I don't want to cut her afternoon nap out but sometimes I think that may be the answer.

Thanks, I will keep at it and keep my attitude positive. Rest assured we always have plenty of giggles at night time and she loves getting into her cot. Her issue is like she isn't tired enough till an hour after I have put her down and in the middle of the night around 3 she will wake and ask me to put her blanket on. Same old same old.

Thanks x

[TorsMamma]

Hi,

If going to sleep takes longer then the nap is during the day, it is time to shorten och take the nap out all together. Just a tip. But the trouble needs to be consistent for 2 weeks first.