Our daughter is nearly 2 year old

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Aurelie G
Inlägg: 7
Blev medlem: fre 06 dec 2019, 23:24

Our daughter is nearly 2 year old

Inlägg av Aurelie G »

Hello,

Our daughter is nearly 2 year old and I can't remember when was the last time she slept for a full night.
She might have done it twice (by mistake). So the 3 of us are exhausted.
She usually sleeps from 8:30pm (9pm lately) till 6:30am
We are at a point where it takes us nearly 1h30min to get her to sleep (we stay in her bedroom then try to get out without walking on the creaky floor board). Then she wakes up during the night (at midnight or 1am) and if we manage to get her back to sleep she can wake up again at 3am then 5am, then 6am. As you can imagine we are all exhausted so we sometimes take her to our bed.
I've read the book, explained the cure to my partner and we decided to go ahead.
We tried tonight the first day but had the most difficult 2 hours of our life with a screaming tearful daughter that kept getting out of bed and didn't want to go back by herself to bed and kept saying "no thank you" when we were telling the "jingle" (I'm french and my partner is english).
Does anyone have a special advice for 2yo ?
Should it be the same parent the first night or can we alternate ?

She is very regular with her midday nap, lunch and then nap for 1h20 but 4 days out of 7, I'm cuddling her in her bed to get her to sleep then leave the room (max. 15 minutes).

I feel a bit lost. I know we have to change our whole approach to get her to sleep.

Thank you for your help,
Aurélie
TorsMamma
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Blev medlem: fre 17 nov 2006, 09:25
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Re: Our daughter is nearly 2 year old

Inlägg av TorsMamma »

Hi And welcome! :)

So I'm happy to hear you decided to implement the "GNS cure" for your child. When you have children that are this old and have had problems for this long, you need to keep a few things in mind.

1. the problem has been for a very long time. It will most likely be a bit tougher.
2. children at the age of 2 will ask the same questions a small baby does, however the small baby cries but the big once have "arguments" of all kinds. Like "No thank you". Or "I'm scared". Or "I need to pi". Or "I'm thirsty" and more. These are all the same questions as the small child has. SO please re-read the chapter "Safari". In the Safari chapter is what we call "the attitude" this is what is going to be the difference between success or not. ;)
3. If you read the "cheatsheet" please use the 3-4 days double. So the first day is 2 days and so on. This way you don't need to stress it.
4. Implement 12 hour night. So if you want a morning at 07, put her to bed at 19.00.
5. shorter day nap! I would say no more than 45 min at this time.
6. Set a very strict schedule (and post it here so we can assist you)

To answer a few of your questions,
Yes, I personally like it if actually only ONE of the parents initiate the cure. It makes it consistent, easier and faster. So the one with the best "attitude" and most calm and assertive should do it. If possible at least 4 days or even a week if you can.

Also, read again about the "jingle" you don't have to have the same. But it should be one that has like a "beat" to it. So you can have a rhythm. You say it at least 4 times on your way out, but can even up to 8 times or 10 times if necessary. Don't forget the confirmation at this point that is also 4 times.

Do you still have a crib? If yes but just put away, I would bring it back! this makes it more difficult to get up and more "cozy" to stay in up to the age of about 4.

How do you calm her down when you enter the room?

Lets start there to figure out how we move forward. :)
Tor 2006
:heart: BB barn från början. Sov sin första 12h natt 5 dagar före 4 mån, Diplomerad SS vid 6 mån
:heart:

:heart: FTLOC child from the beginning. Slept his first 12 hour night 5 days before 4 months. :heart:
Aurelie G
Inlägg: 7
Blev medlem: fre 06 dec 2019, 23:24

Re: Our daughter is nearly 2 year old

Inlägg av Aurelie G »

Thank you so much for your answer it is really helpful to get answer so quickly and feel supported.
I posted an answer yesterday but my computer crashed while downloading it ....
So yesterday we put back the crib in her bedroom following your advice.
We have reduce the day nap today to 45 minutes so we'll see the impact tonight.
We have decided to put her to bed at 7:30 pm till 7:30 am.

I've started to read again the Safari part. I feel I need to be more grounded to face the little madame that fights my new way of doing things.
Yesterday the night was a total loss and she ended falling asleep in the arm of a friend who had come for dinner (at 10pm).
SO we are restarting tonight and might end up doing 4 1st day !

When you are talking about the confirmation, I understood that it was the same words but told in a sort of definitive way, isn't it ?


Thank you again for your help,

Aurélie
Aurelie G
Inlägg: 7
Blev medlem: fre 06 dec 2019, 23:24

Re: Our daughter is nearly 2 year old

Inlägg av Aurelie G »

How should we calm her down ?
It is very difficult to hear her cry and not take her in our arms.
Aurelie G
Inlägg: 7
Blev medlem: fre 06 dec 2019, 23:24

Re: Our daughter is nearly 2 year old

Inlägg av Aurelie G »

Hello,

another night has gone.
So we decided to do as follow:
6pm: get ready for bed (bath or not + Pyjama)
6:30pm: dinner
7pm: Story time and laughing in our bedroom
7:30pm: bedtime

ps: we would usually do 6pm dinner then 6:30 getting ready for bed but as it was sunday we had a little cake at 4:30pm.

Last night it was a struggle for the first 30 minutes, calling her dad then me, screaming, shaking the bed, a really unhappy little girl.
Daddy was in charge. Talking from the door.
He went inside her bedroom twice and tried to sooth her with other words than strictly the "Good night, sleep tight" Is it a mistake ?
He also tried to get her to at least sit in her cot.
Then she sat down and called again few times still unhappy, then she lied down and seemed to be talking to herself.
Then she fall asleep at 8:15pm

She woke up only once during the night. it took only few minutes to get her back to sleep by talking to her.

And she woke up this morning around 6:40am but we didn't answer and then start calling us at 7:15/20am so her dad went to wake her up.
Should we only go at 7:30 am ? If so, what is your advice for this last 10/15 minutes ?

I look forward to read your comments,
Thank you,
Have a very good day
Aurélie
ps: I didn't sleep as I was expecting / waiting for her being far more upset :roll:
Aurelie G
Inlägg: 7
Blev medlem: fre 06 dec 2019, 23:24

Re: Our daughter is nearly 2 year old

Inlägg av Aurelie G »

Hello,

I don't have all the answers but I keep on posting so that people who are tempted to try have a feel.
Last night (night 3) we did:
50 minutes nap (but in a buggy) around 1pm
6pm: dinner
6:30pm : getting ready for bed / bath / giggles
7pm: story / giggles
7:30pm: bed

She called only 2 times then seemed to be playing quietly in her bed, talking to herself or her little soft toy. She used to have a collection of soft toys in her bed and we took them all away following advice from GNS.
But she woke up at least 4 times and was really unhappy one. She then woke up this morning at 6:40am when we are aiming for a 7am wake up.
I don't know what to do to make her stay longer in bed in the morning.
I guess the calls during the night were because we need to work on the feeling/ new habit of security.

This afternoon, I literally put her in bed, said 4 times the jingle while leaving, made some soft noise in our next door bedroom and then had a look and she was fast asleep !

let's see for the night sleep.

Aurélie
Aurelie G
Inlägg: 7
Blev medlem: fre 06 dec 2019, 23:24

Re: Our daughter is nearly 2 year old

Inlägg av Aurelie G »

Hello,

We just did night 4.
After a 50 minutes nap at 1pm in her bed
6pm: dinner
6:30pm : getting ready for bed/ giggles
7pm: story / giggles
7:30pm: bed

I was in charge tonight and our daughter wasn't happy when I put her in bed. Even if we had a wonderful fun time hiding and tickling each other.
But after the 4 (firm) repetitions and then confirmation, I stayed in the next door bedroom making some noise and she didn't complained any longer. She probably fell asleep during the following 20/30 minutes.
I was so happy.
The challenging part started at 1:15am, she woke up really unhappy and start crying and calling me so I talked to her saying everything is fine, it's night time, everyone sleeps then staring the jingle but she was by that time standing in bed fully screaming so i got closer to try to get her to lie down and stroke her but she grabbed my neck and didn't want to let it go so I stayed calm, talking to her, stroking her, after 10 minutes she finally sat in bed. I very firmly said the jingle while leaving the bedroom, she complained again and once I was out of her bedroom she went quiet.
then complained at 1:45, I told her softly the jingle from outside her bedroom and she went quiet,
then 2:45, I told her softly the jingle from outside her bedroom and she went quiet,
then 4:15 I told her the jingle from my bed and she went quiet,
then 6:40 she was wide awake so I went to tell her it was still the night she needed to sleep more, which she did until 7:15. I said to her to wait a bit longer and went to pick her up at 7:25am.
Happy but tired little girl with an exhausted mother.

Hopefully tonight will be better,

Aurélie
Tin
Rådgivare/advisor
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Blev medlem: fre 12 mar 2010, 09:48
Ort: Nya Zeeland

Re: Our daughter is nearly 2 year old

Inlägg av Tin »

Hi there,
oups your answers have been missed, I sorry for that.

So what you described in your last post was a perfectly normal cure night, although perhaps night 2 or 3. However since your little one isn't that little anymore it can take some time because old habits are harder to change.

So, first a few more questions, is it pitch black in her room?
Do you use an alarm clock in the morning?

My reflections when I read your story.
- Only use the jingle, no other talking. The jingle should mean "Its still night, sleep tight". So there isn't a need to explain anything else. What ever she is doing/saying at night should only have one answer - in the beginning that is the jingle but eventually that should be replaced with nothing.
- Also do not go into her room, if you jingle first and then go in to her, the jingle will start meaning "Mummy will soon com in". Daddy has to get with the program as well whereas now he is prolonging the process by walking in to her room and talking instead of jingling. Perhaps sync with him so you are acting like a unit or you do it. He should also read "The Safari".
- Stick to the schedule, if its from 7:30 to 7:30 dont pick up earlier. Some kids struggle with waking up early for up to month even if all the other wake ups during the night have been sorted. So be prepared for that (but by then you are enjoying a full night sleep so its easier to handle). The key to the early mornings are pitch black room, an instant jingle at first noise and then NOTHING. Lots of parent tackle the early mornings with putting on classical music outside their door. Or by using an alarm clock, research both here on the forum using search.

Also dont forget to celebrate small successes, the most important thing is that you are giving her the gift of sleep. (And in the process your selves ;) ).
Look at this:
"then 2:45, I told her softly the jingle from outside her bedroom and she went quiet,
then 4:15 I told her the jingle from my bed and she went quiet,"

YAY - you did that. :clapping:

hugs Tin :heart:
Lilla O född 2010-02-04 (42+1)
Standardmodellat sedan 13 mars då hon var drygt 4 veckor.

Lilla M född 2012-11-29 (39+0)
SM från början, vad annars ;)
Aurelie G
Inlägg: 7
Blev medlem: fre 06 dec 2019, 23:24

Re: Our daughter is nearly 2 year old

Inlägg av Aurelie G »

Hi Tin,

Thank you for your answers.
So i can see that we need to change a bit more things and be more firm.
->To confirm that I understood properly what you wrote, as soon as she is calling, we should give the jingle, isn't it ?
(I tend to wait a bit to see if she is going back to sleep by herself.

The day nap is sorted. Hurray !
The "bedtime" is sorted 2 times out of 3. Hurray !

Now it's night time.
Last night I put her to bed at 7:30pm, she went to sleep around 7:50pm. She was calling and i was answering from our bedroom.
Then she woke up at 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am and 5am. I used a mix of just answering or answering and going. I can see now that next time I will just answer.
Her room is not pitch black as we leave the door of her bedroom a bit open (20 cm). All the rooms are directly on a staircase with a big (lovely) window with no curtain on it. so I guess I need to find a solution and it's not going to be easy. Or can I close her door when she is deeply asleep ?
We have an alarm clock in our bedroom not hers. I will search on the forum on this subject.

Thank you again for your advices,

Aurélie
TorsMamma
Forumets ordförande
Inlägg: 11152
Blev medlem: fre 17 nov 2006, 09:25
Ort: Stockholms Skärgård

Re: Our daughter is nearly 2 year old

Inlägg av TorsMamma »

HI Again, so we've had som forum issues I hope are solved for the moment. ;)

So the door should be closed ALL the way, there is no need for you to have it open even the slightest. You need to say the jingle so loud that she can hear through the door. ;)

Also, I read this:
I stayed in the next door bedroom making some noise and she didn't complained any longer. She probably fell asleep during the following 20/30 minutes.
Now, here is your KEY! Your child needs something else to listen to so she has no time to feel sorry for her self. :D
So I would say this from now on, put her to bed, out with the happiest loudest and nicest jingle. MAKE NOISE outside the room, or another room. You'll see! (don't forget the confirmation X4 for another couple of days)
At night you give the jingle if she has a question, you do from outside the room. Confidence will be the key, if necessary, make NOISE!

Now, some children has difficulties sleeping until 7.30, it is more natural to sleep at 6.30pm to 6.30 am. Now if you are very persistent you really want and need 7.30 you will as Tin says need to work on it! Read up about the alarm outside the bedroom that you bring in when it rings. :)
Tor 2006
:heart: BB barn från början. Sov sin första 12h natt 5 dagar före 4 mån, Diplomerad SS vid 6 mån
:heart:

:heart: FTLOC child from the beginning. Slept his first 12 hour night 5 days before 4 months. :heart:
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