Crying

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piret
Inlägg: 2
Blev medlem: fre 24 jul 2015, 14:43

Crying

Inlägg av piret »

Hi,
We started the cure on our 6,5 months old daughter 9 days ago and she has been sleeping longer and longer each night. That is great, thank you!
The only thing that really bothers me is the crying before all the sleeps - night and day. On the first day she went day sleeping calmly and quietly just like before the cure, but since then she screams 5-20 minutes before each sleep. Is that really ok? Is buffing and rocking entirely out of question at this stage of cure?
Even if the child cries with tears and is genuinely upset, not angry? When I read the book, I understood that the child is never left crying herself to sleep. But it seems to me that this is exactly what she is doing now.
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge already in advance!
P.
TorsMamma
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Inlägg: 11193
Blev medlem: fre 17 nov 2006, 09:25
Ort: Stockholms Skärgård

Re: Crying

Inlägg av TorsMamma »

Hi and Welcome! :D

Some children take quite some time to learn all aspects of the cure. Normally we say the more sad they are when going to sleep, the more laughter they need before bedtime! So you need to play, laugh alot at least 20 min before bedtime.
Then when putting to bed, you fly into an already pitch dark room, put down and then you leave with the happiest of jingles! It needs to be sooooo happy that you your self laugh on the way out!
We try to say that the cure is not a cry free cure but it is NOT a cry it out cure either! So you need to listen, WHAT is the cry?
Then according to what the question is, you use the appropriate response. And after 9 to 14 days the jingle is to calm her down, this is your job. You might have to say it X4, X6, X8 or sometimes even X12.
If she calms down the second you touch the door handle and you hear her more say hu, hu ,eh, eh or so, then she really wasn't sad to begin with, she was crying you TO her to get some buff or touch, then you just turn around again and WALK OUT with the jingle. So here you really need to listen, check her cry and sound. Is it really sad the whole time? Does it change in character?
Some children just need time to complain a bit before going to sleep and does this for a few weeks before they go to bed calmly.
Tor 2006
:heart: BB barn från början. Sov sin första 12h natt 5 dagar före 4 mån, Diplomerad SS vid 6 mån
:heart:

:heart: FTLOC child from the beginning. Slept his first 12 hour night 5 days before 4 months. :heart:
piret
Inlägg: 2
Blev medlem: fre 24 jul 2015, 14:43

Re: Crying

Inlägg av piret »

Hi again,
So we are on our day 46 now and sadly our daughter is still very upset when going to bed. We are trying our hardest to get her to laugh before bed time, but it is difficult. When we get her even smile, it is good. Laughing is exceptional. I know this is the problem and I'm really working on it.
I have one concern. If she has been crying so long - 46 days 4 times a day for 5-10 minutes - will it affect her self esteem? Will she become violent? She does not look miserable when she is awake, but can this crying have long term negative effects?
And also you write that when the crying is sad, we should intervene. What does it mean? Fanning? Singing?
Greetings,
Piret
TorsMamma
Forumets ordförande
Inlägg: 11193
Blev medlem: fre 17 nov 2006, 09:25
Ort: Stockholms Skärgård

Re: Crying

Inlägg av TorsMamma »

Hi and Welcome back!
I have one concern. If she has been crying so long - 46 days 4 times a day for 5-10 minutes - will it affect her self esteem? Will she become violent? She does not look miserable when she is awake, but can this crying have long term negative effects?
And also you write that when the crying is sad, we should intervene. What does it mean? Fanning? Singing?
So first, now I think you have reached the 8-month Anxiety period. This will take 1-2 months to calm down.

Second, crying for 5 min is no long time and will not cause any permanent damage, I can promise you that. It might just be her way of saying, we had so much fun and I don't want to stop. You really need to decide WHAT the question is?? Is she anxious, is she sad to go to bed because you had so much fun? Is she angry? Are there questions in this? Do you know what you are doing? Is this how it is going to be? and so on??

That is when you use the "Jingle" (no singing or song) It is a jingle like "sleep tight don't let the bedbugs bite" kind of thing, but you say it X4 always or more if needed. Your presence should not be needed at this time, the jingle should answer any and all questions by now. Some just lie and cry a bit to calm them selves down to be able to go to sleep. This will pass! But you need to have the happiest and most calm attitude possible and convince her that going to sleep is the best thing in the whole wide world. This is a gift! If you question it, so will she, especially now with the 8-month anxiety period. You need to be extra, extra calm and assertive, and like a rock for her to be able to trust.

So the happiest of jingles on you way out!! Then happy Strauss music loud outside the room so she has happy music to listen to. Really loud! :D
Tor 2006
:heart: BB barn från början. Sov sin första 12h natt 5 dagar före 4 mån, Diplomerad SS vid 6 mån
:heart:

:heart: FTLOC child from the beginning. Slept his first 12 hour night 5 days before 4 months. :heart:
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