How to make the best of waiting for the cure to begin?

[stjernemor]

Hello everyone!

Thanks for a great forum!
My husband and I are so relieved to have found this and Annas book 'A Good Nights Sleep'! We're reading it at the moment, and today my husband made arrangements with his work to get time off the 2nd and 3rd december, so we can do the cure

We're parents of a beautiful 8 months old girl, who's also very, very tired. In all of her short life only once has she managed to sleep 6 hours in a row at night. Rarely she takes four, but the usual is from 1-2 hours, 3 if we're lucky. During the day she sleeps between 20-40 minutes and then wakes, often it's not possible to make her go to sleep again. She has begun lately to once in a while take naps of 1.5 hours or even up to 2 hours. But it's not a daily occurence.

So obviously she's beginning to suffer very apparently; she cranky and tired most of the time and it breaks my heart. I'm personally often on the verge of desperation, and I'm feeling that I'm close to a physical and emotional breakdown.

I survive at night by breastfeeding her back to sleep which works most of the time at the moment. That's often how she is put to bed during the day also. I have known for long , that its not a workable solution, but I'm often no longer able to sleep during the day, so I need to sleep as much as possible at nights when my body allows me to. At this point the daytime is also about survival, so unless her father puts her down, breastfeeding is my first choice. It doesn't always work however, and thats when the crying begins. Often I can't calm her with anything other than the breast, no matter what I do. Sometimes she even rejects that. She has managed quite a few times to cry for up to 2 hours during the nights. I don't know wether to stay with her or leave her, since both seems to upset her horribly. I've felt so powerless, that I've been close to letting her cry herself to sleep. Up until recently she has primarily slept next to me in the bed, and sometimes I haven't known what else to do, than finally to turn my back towards her, which has been the most horrible feeling in the world.

I can't wait for the cure to begin, but theres still 3 weeks to go. How do I survive without damaging my little daughter more than I already have? My confidence has gone completely down the drain, and I know that its making things worse, because she obviously feels that I don't have a clue of what I'm doing. But at the same time I don't feel that I have any energy to make changes at this point. I've begun to feel anxious and worried everytime I have to put her down, and I know that thats the worst I can do. I often feel like a complete failure and I feel sorry for her for all the different 'experiments' I've put her through trying to get her to sleep.

Thanks for reading to the end I'll be greatful for any moral support as well as thoughts on how best to manage the 3 weeks till we start the cure.

[Luvisen]

Welcome stjernemor!

Stop beating yourself up and hang in there! You now have a plan and you have made a decision: cure your little angel. That is a terrific first step! :thumbsup:

Do you have a schedule? If not then you can focus on that. So you feel that you are working towards a solution.

If I were you I would give the breast as much as possible- it is better than letting the little one scream herself to sleep. Day and night I would do it. Stay inside and get as much sleep as possible. As soon as the baby girl goes to sleep I would hit the pillow and . Just try and get through this time. Try also and read as much as you possibly can in the GNS book. There are always things you've missed. That way, when the 2nd of december comes you are more than ready. Then you can cure her quickly and correctly!

All the best, Luvisen

[stjernemor]

Thank you so much for your welcome and reply Luvisen

Yes, I believe you are right: I need to keep my eye on the goal, and prepare the best I can. It's just so hard to be patient when i look at the blackness under her eyes. But at least there is a way out and for that I'm truly grateful!

More questions:
She was born 3 weeks before the due date (cesarean section), was quite small (2450 g) and she wasn't able to suckle, so the breastfeeding didn't get going till she was 5 weeks old. I think that that would have been the time she would have been born, if she could have decided herself. So in many ways I think of her as more of a 7 months old baby than 8 months. Do you know if I should take that into account when calculating her need for sleep?

Also I am insecure of what to do about the breastfeeding. Up until now I have breastfed her between once an hour and once every third hour at night, and everytime she needed a nap during the day. Should I gradually adjust the breastfeeding down until I reach the 'normal' amount for an 8 month old baby or should I cut it down in one stroke when starting the cure?

Thanks again!!

[chokladkaninen]

Hi there!

She does eat food, too, doesn't she? As you've probably seen in the book, her schedule during and after the cure should be structured around 4 big meals and one smaller just before going to bed. So how about already now giving her a real lunch and a real dinner (and not breastfeed at those meals unless you need it to get her to sleep) and keep the breastfeeding for breakfast, afternoon snack and her evening treat? I think that would be fairly easy to do, and you can feel safe she gets enough to eat that way. And 8-months' old babies usually like eating with their own little hands...

And soon, it's cure time, and then you can even stop breastfeeding if you wish. Because she'll learn to go to sleep without it. Or you can keep it, but only for when she's awake! We count only 30 minutes less sleep for an 8-months-old than for a 7-months-old so I recommend you build a schedule for 8-months-olds and then if she is unable to keep up with it, you can add an extra 15 minutes of sleep on one or two of the naps.

[stjernemor]

Thanks a lot Chokladkaninen

She has eaten solids since she was 6 months. When she was 7 months she refused to be spoon-fed for a few weeks during which she became really good at eating with her fingers
I would like to continue breastfeeding her 3 times a day (morning, noon and evening), but would like to hear your opinion on how to go about it. When would it be best to squeeze in the breast assuming she'll also have 4 proper meals?

This is how her days look more or less at the moment:

5/6 : wakes up, comes over in my bed, breastfeeding and hopefully sleep a little longer...
6.30/7: we get up
7.15/7.30: breakfast (porridge + fingerfoods)
8.30/9: Breastfeeding + nap (30-90 min. Usually app.40 min)
10: Morning snack (fruitpuré + fingerfoods)
12: Lunch (vegetable+meat puré, ryebread w. toppings)
12.30/13.30: breastfeeding + nap (20-120 min. Usually around 45-60 min)
15: Afternoon snack (porridge + fingerfoods)
16: Breastfeeding
17.30/18: Dinner (what we eat / or as lunch) followed by a bath
18.30/19: Breastfeeding till she sleeps (please!!)
(At night she wakes up from 3 times to once an hour, and every time I breastfeed her back to sleep)

As you can see,I don't have to worry about her being hungry at night!!

Here is a draft for her new schedule. She'll be nine months by the beginning of december:

We are thinking about an 11,5 hour night

6.30: Morning, breastfeeding
7.30: Breakfast
8.45-9.45: Nap (1 hour)
11: Lunch followed by breastfeeding (if she wants it)
12.30-14: Nap (1,5 hours)
14: Afternoon meal
16.30-16.50 Nap (20 min.)
17.30: Dinner
18: Bath, top up (breastfeeding), fun and games
19: Goodnight

What do you guys think?

Our plan is to start the cure this weekend, because we just can't stand to wait any longer. It feels horrible to continue doing wrong things, when you've learned what's right. The breastfeeding doesn't feel so horrible, because at least she's happy. But that doesn't always work either...

Now she's awake from a 30 min midday nap

[chokladkaninen]

Dear stjernemor,

I'm glad to hear that you're about to start the cure! :thumbsup: As you know, your current food schedule is much too charged for your daughter to gain some apetite between the meals and eat properly. The new schedule looks much better, although I would advise you to try to keep each meal within 45 minutes, which means that breakfast at 7.30 is too late - 7 would be more appropriate.

6.30: Morning, breastfeeding
7.30: Breakfast
8.45-9.45: Nap (1 hour)
11: Lunch followed by breastfeeding (if she wants it)
12.30-14: Nap (1,5 hours)
14: Afternoon meal
16.30-16.50 Nap (20 min.)
17.30: Dinner
18: Bath, top up (breastfeeding), fun and games
19: Goodnight

I also think that her lunch should come a little earlier, so that you don't get 4,5h between (beginning of) breakfast and lunch, and then only 3h between lunch and afternoon meal. So how about breastfeeding and breakfast at 6.30-7.15, lunch at 10.30-11.15, afternoon meal (here, breastfeeding is a good idea if you want to!) at 14, dinner at 17.30 and top-up at 18.45.

I should also mention that most children don't sleep 1h well, since natural sleep patterns are 5 mins, 20 mins, 45 mins, 1,5h or 2h. So 45 mins will probably work better for the morning nap, and if you need to compensate, you can stretch the after lunch siesta to 2h. The 20 mins nap in the afternoon will soon vanish anyway - not very many children need it after 9 months.

Good luck now, and let us know how it goes!

[Luvisen]

Keeping fingers and toes crossed for you! /Luvisen

[stjernemor]

Thank you so much both

Your advice is very helpful Chokladkanin, I'll adjust the schedule using your suggestions.

I do have one more question though...
We're unsure of wether we should plan the late nap at all since she'll probably think she won't need it and maybe she will be right. On the other hand, she has a lot of sleeping to catch up on, so that could be an argument to keep it. Any advice on this?

Thanks a million for your kind and quick advice

[Luvisen]

I would go for keeping the last 20min nap, like you say- she has a bit of catching up to do. Unless you do as Chokladkaninen says and lengthen the 1st afternoon nap (12.30-14) to 2 hrs.

Up to you. Your the leader. /Luvisen

[TinasDag]

Another mom cheering for you!
You're on your way to blissful sleep

I agree w/ the previous experts and recomend that you keep the last nap, at least initially. My son was 9,5 months when we understood how much he loved to sleep and we also did three naps at first. Those 20 min were offered in the buggy and even if he didn't sleep he just lay there, resting :-$
Good luck,
love Tina

[stjernemor]

Thanks for the cheer I definitely feel I can use it. I'm a bit anxious about it all, so I have some work to do, to remind myself WHY we're doing this



But 'luckily' my little girl woke up every hour during the night, and I also had to go breastfeed her an additional time to get her to sleep her morning nap. So I'm also very motivated!

Tonight's the big night I thought it would never come...

My husband takes the first two nights and I'll be in charge of the days. I am insecure about what I should do, when the time for her first nap comes: Should I buff her as long as it takes for her body to relax, should she be almost asleep before I stop or should I just buff a few times to remind her of what's going on and then leave with the jingle? She'll be taking all her naps inside in her crib.

I guess I'm basically wondering, if I should follow the guidelines for the first or the second night during the daytime?

[Luvisen]

Oh goody goody! A good nights sleep is on its way for you all!

Daytime...well it really depends on the child. How well she responds to the night "treatment" , so to speak.

If the little person is fine with lying down then I would just give a quick sunfeather and jingle on my way out and make sure she answers that with silence.

If she seems upset and screams or cries when being put to bed I would buff until she is almost sleeping and then jingle softly so the message goes in through the backdoor. Because it is in the very begining of the cure.

Are you with me?



/Luvisen

[TorsMamma]

Hi, good luck for you starting the cure.

You do the same during the day as you do the first night. Make sure you have a good handover with the father.

Here is a link to the cheat sheet.

http://www.annawahlgren.com/index.php/v ... heat-sheet

[stjernemor]

Thanks!

The first night went quite well I think. My husband was in charge and put her down at 19.30. He only had to buff for 10 min. before she was close to sleep. But it might be because we sometimes have used a technique which is close to the buffing, to calm her down.

She woke up at 21.30 (where I usually breastfeed her thoroughly) and was very upset to find no Mom and no boobs
It took Dad half an hour to help her back to sleep.
Then she woke up at midninght and again at 2, but both times she was easy to persuade to go back to sleep again.
Woke up at 3, a little harder this time, but still she was asleep in app 15 min.
From 6 on she was NOT happy with the situation. Understandably since she previously came over in my bed at this time and was breastfed/snuggled until I was able to bare the thought of a new day...
Dosed of shortly but complained until 6.50 when we had our first big reunion-party, that made her cry out of shock and confusion - the nervous breakdown Anna writes about was imminent...

I took over and have just put her down for her first nap. She was much more unhappy (I think) than when my husband was in charge. But no wonder really when we take our history together into account, and the fact that I have a big knot in my stomach, that unfortunately may at times invite a wolf in, although I really try to focus and stay calm and clear...
It took me a little more than 30 min, to put her to sleep. I buffed 3 times, last time till she was almost asleep, went out of the room, and gave the confirmation jingle softly at the door a minute or so later. I know it was probably not the completely right way, but I really wanted her to get some sleep

We have decided on a schedule that entails a 2 hour nap from 12.30-14.30. I'm a bit worried, that it will be really hard, since she almost never sleeps that long during the day. But I really have to remember that she needs, and wants to sleep, she just also needs us to show her how, and that's what wer're doing now!!

Despite it all, I have no doubt that we're doing the right thing and I am really grateful that at least I have tools to answer her questions, instead of just letting her cry, like I sometimes have had to in the past, when I was out of ideas

Thanks again for all the support, it means so much!!

[Luvisen]

=D> =D> =D> =D> Wonderful news and excellent work!

I love the fact that you seem to have very good insight of what's going on with you and what you need to keep in mind! :thumbsup:

/Luvisen